Leaving a Legacy, Part II: Mommy Books

A few days ago, we talked about leaving a legacy for our children through the way we live our lives, and how a mommy vision statement can help us stay on our own truest path in mothering.

Today, lets address the second part of Cindy's talk: the tangible things we can leave our children. Her suggestion is to create a Mommy Book of some kind. We've all got baby books (in various states of un-finishedness). Just as the mommy vision was not about the kids, your mommy book is also about you. Write down your quirks, your loves, the special things that make you YOU. Think about who you were before they came into your life -- were you a scientist, an artist, a carpenter, a cook? These glimpses into who you are as an individual will mean so much to your family as they grow, and will help them remember you when you are gone.

I learned recently that my own mother's favorite thing in her childhood was jumping rope, and it surprised me to no end. My mom, as I know her today, is a very proper and restrained lady -- it is hard to imagine her diving into a game of double dutch. My three-year-old son recently discovered that his grandfather loves climbing trees. So often we only show our children one side of our personalities, forgetting to also tell them about who we used to be.

Consider writing, making a scrapbook or even starting your own blog to share these bits of yourself. Write about how you met their father, your wedding day, their birth stories. Write about what you went to college to study. Write about the unexpected twists and turns that your life has taken. Write about where you were on September 11th, what you wanted to grow up to be when you were five, or why you love the things that you love. Whatever way you record your precious memories of the kids, be sure to include yourself (and their father, if appropriate) -- a scrapbook, a section in the memory box, or even just a yearly photo.

SOME IDEAS TO GET YOU STARTED:

Make a video, maybe you and your husband can interview each other.
Make a scrapbook.
Keep a journal.
Get in the picture -- make sure there are photos of you with your kids. Maybe even go crazy and let someone take a picture of just you.
Write to your kids, a Christmas letter or letter on their birthday, to help you both remember the milestones of each year.


When they need a little hope or guidance or a smile from you, they can flip through their Mommy Book...all the days of their life...whether you are near of far.

Leaving a Legacy, Part I: Your Mommy Vision

Last week's meeting was a beautiful opportunity to remember and honor our friend LK, a MOPS of Quincy member who passed away at only 36 years old. LK's passing gave us all the opportunity to think about the legacies we will leave behind for our children. Or, as Cindy put it: How to move from the mundane to the meaningful. We leave a mark on our children in two ways: through the lessons we teach while we are here, and through the memories we leave when we are gone.

The first is intangible, and therefore easy to forget about. We've got to change that diaper, answer those emails, and get dinner ready -- it's easy to lose sight of WHY we are doing all these things. It's easy to lose sight of who we were before these little darlings arrived and took over our lives. It's easy to lose sight of what is IMPORTANT when we are constantly interrupted by something that is URGENT.

BUT HOW? 

A Mommy Vision. Craft a vision, a mission statement for yourself and your family, to help you focus your attention and keep your truest goals in sight. Once you've figured out your mission statement, it will be easier to become the mom you want to be: you will eagerly make decisions that are in accord with it, and you will resist going down a path that denies it.

A good Mommy Vision will prevent the mundane tasks of mothering from defeating and/or defining you.  The mundane will simply be the context in which you "press on" toward the fulfillment of your vision.

WHERE DO I BEGIN?

First, remember that your vision statement should be about you, not about the kids. "I will raise two selfless contributors to the good of the world" is about them, and nothing you do can guarantee that it will happen this way. Instead, "I will serve others from all nations, even if it stretches me" is about you and your actions, it can guide your decisions and give life to your values. Your children will learn it by watching you live it and, by God's grace, they just might live it too.

Next, think about the things that make you unique, the things you love, and the things you want to bring to the world. Cindy very bravely shared the evolution of her Mommy Vision with the group, and has allowed me to reprint it here.

My mothering story will be a page-turner for my children. (Cindy loves to read and write.)

My mothering story will be a joyful page-turner for my children.  (She is, I can attest, a joyful woman.)

My mothering song will be a joyful page-turner for my children. (Music and singing are an important part of their family life.)

My mothering song will be a joyful page-turner that proclaims God’s love to my children. (The most true thing she wants to leave her children.)

My mothering song will be a joyful page-turner that proclaims God’s love to my children, and others. (Serving others, and not just one's own kin, is part of what fufills Cindy.)

If you'd like to see more examples, or a list of questions to consider while crafting your vision, this post about family mission statements from Simple Mom or this free ebook from Inspired to Action may be helpful.

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING, YOU ARE LOST.

Now, once you've written your mothering vision statement, please share it with us in the comments. Thank you, Cindy, for sharing this inspiration with us all.

Weekend Reading 9.23.11

photo by I Am Momma -- Hear Me Roar

• Make a Memory Box ::  from Tatertots and Jello
• Dressing to Join the Crowd, or Not  ::  from Playborhood
• Painting with Credit Cards  :: from Housing a Forest
• Apple Cider Floats  ::  from Rachel Ray

Quick Tip #2

Quick tips is a series of mom-tested insights on topics like mothering, home managing, kid wrangling, and ball juggling designed to help you do your job better.

What to do with your re-useable cloth breastmilk pads after baby is weaned? Use them as coasters! Just the right size, very absorbent, and totally unrecognizable to non-mothers.

Now, if only my family used coasters. . .

Weekend Reading 9.16.11

• Easy Ways to Surprise and Delight Your Children  ::  from Simple Kids
• The Grandparents of 9/11  ::  from The Motherlode
• Dried Apple Heads  :: from Family Fun
• What To Do With All That Junk  ::  from Two Chicks and a Hen

Quick Tip #1

Quick tips is a series of mom-tested insights on topics like mothering, home managing, kid wrangling, and ball juggling designed to help you do your job better.

Don't know what to do with all the artwork your preschooler produces?  Save a few and pop the rest in the mail for grandma and grandpa.  They'll love it and you won't feel like you're throwing out treasures from the world's next Renoir!

This tip brought to you by Cathy, former MOPS of Quincy Co-Director.

Weekend Reading

A collection of interesting (if unrelated) articles:

• Homemade Pumpkin Spice Latte from The Motherload
  
• Lessons from a 3-Year-Old  from MOPS International
• 50 Fun Fall Activities from Digital Reflections
  
• Stories into Paper: The Scissor Craft of Hans Christian Andersen from Rhythm of the Home

 

Have a great weekend!

An Epiphany Folding Laundry

Today, we're happy to share an article written by former MOPS of Quincy member Wendy Soberg. Wendy is the mother of three girls, now living and laundering in Michigan. She offers a perspective on laundry that I had never considered before today.

photo by Ani-Bee. Some rights reserved.

Several years ago I found myself in a familiar spot, sitting on the couch amid a sea of clean laundry covering the living room furniture. I was folding my 3- and 4-year-old daughters' tiny underwear and balancing them onto a precarious pile. As the pile grew, thoughtful adjustments were needed in how the panties were placed, lest the pile topple and my hard work come undone. Then all of a sudden it hit me: I do not have to fold the panties.

Or anyone else's underwear, for that matter.

My mother had always folded our underwear neatly when I was growing up. But, really, why not toss them into the bureau drawer, close it, and be no worse for the wear?
I remember this moment because it marks one of my first conscious decisions to make life simpler after my children came along. The 24/7 nature of caring for the demands of a family, home, and part-time career left little time or energy for serious examination of my routines and habits. Sitting there in the laundry pile, tossing panties into my basket, I felt fantastic. I was buying back precious minutes for things that were more important to me than how neat the girls' underwear drawer looked. I was energized.

Eager to share this news mom-to-mom, I called an old friend and fellow mother of toddlers. "I've decided to stop folding the girls' panties and do things that are more important to me," I said, to which she replied, "You still fold your laundry?"

She and her husband had decided long ago that the family's laundry could go directly from dryer to drawer with no stops in between. While I couldn't commit to her "whole hog" approach to the laundry, I was determined to find other ways I could simplify and make things more manageable.

Soon I found an opportunity. I began to notice myself walking around the house delivering items like toys, hair clips, books, laundry, and mail to places that always seemed to be somewhere other than where I was currently standing. While it's one way to rack up steps on a pedometer, I found it irritating. About that time, a certified professional organizer came to our local MOPS group. Don't try to make your home look like something out of a magazine, she advised. Store things where you use them, even if it is less stylish, so you locate things quickly and stop wandering around your house wasting time.

This time, I was all in. We bought shelves and stored our children's toys right in our living room, rather than carrying them back to the "play room" our kids never used. I
tossed washcloths and towels (unfolded, of course) in a kitchen drawer to quickly wipe up milk spills and gooey faces. Our desk moved close to the kitchen, where we could drop the mail on it easily and pay bills while the kids played. I bought duplicates of cleaning supplies and toiletries to fully stock each bathroom. And, the ubiquitous barrettes and ponytail holders got homes pretty much everywhere, so they could be tossed in and pulled out at the drop of a hat.

To be sure, the rapid transition to family life sometimes catches us by surprise, and our old routines and habits don't always support our new requirements. If the answer to the question "Why am I doing X?" is "that's what my mom did" or "that's what we've always done," it might be time for a change. After all, my grandmother used to iron her sheets. I've just stopped folding the panties.

So, who is going to stop folding laundry today? Whole-hog, or just rags and underwear? I don't think this Type-A Mom could handle either one, but maybe you should ask me again when my kids are actually wearing underwear!

To see this article, and more, visit MOPS International.

Back to School

photo by D Sharon Pruitt. some rights reserved.

Back to school time is always crazy at my house, even without a student in sight. My husband is a teacher, and so for years our lives have followed the school calendar.  Now that we've got two kids, the new year really does begin in September. January, you say? Yawn. Fall is what gets me going.

Everything is fresh and new in September. It starts with the sudden change from hot muggy weather to crisp cool air, this year arriving promptly on September 1. Then there are the new schedules (even the baby has her own commitments to put on the calendar now), new haircuts, new shoes (OK, so the baby didn't NEED new shoes, but she got them anyway), new pants without holes in the knees. By the end of the week, I'm planning all the new fun fall activities we can start: apple picking, leaf rubbing, cider drinking. . .

It's the same excitement and anticipation I feel about a new year of MOPS. Familiar faces, a return to an old routine, and so much to learn! It's no coincidence that MOPS is known as "school for Mommy" at my house.

So tell me, Moms of School-Age Kids (MOSAK?), how do you manage your households this time of year? Are you buzzing with excitement, sharpening pencils, and hole-punching paper like us? Or sadly setting alarms and abandoning your flip-flops?